Purpose, Divine Timing, Happiness

Greetings my melanin dancers!! It has been so long! COVID has transformed all of our lives.

When I started this website and blog I wanted to shed light on the marginalized opportunities dancers have in the professional world. After dance I got into more fitness and crossfit. (which I started in 2018 preparing to audition while booked for a outdoor theatre show in Cherokee). I even tapped into power lifting which I loved. It changed the way I looked at my body. I even felt more accepted in that world. I didn't have to fit in this european construct of thin and skinny. I could be me. But I kind of lost my way. I gained a lot of mass but furthermore I had to give up on my audition dreams and move back home to teach at a public school. I had the opportunity teach both history and dance. It seems as though it would be a dream come true for me. Unfortunately the public school instructional box listed me the ability to teach history the I wanted. I did enjoy teaching dance greatly. For most of my in-person teaching experience I dreaded going to work everyday because it wasn't where I wanted to be. Although I was consumed with my dread I managed to learn many great skills and concepts on how to teach. I had no idea that experience would propel me to the next opportunity.

THEN THE WORLDWIDE SHUTDOWN HIT.

But during that time I reset my goals. I was ready to move back to RDU, lose my mass and get my body back to my dancing weight. I missed dance I still wanted my dream. So I began my road to what I wanted. After the worldwide shutdown I resigned from teaching and went back to my Assistant Manager position at EWC and wanted to move back to the RDU area. I was then offered the opportunity to be the dance instructor for the NCCU Ladies of eClipse! And all the skills and lessons learned as a teacher I used it for my first year instructing. I am now finishing my second year as the Dance Instructor and could not be happier!

I also had the most amazing opportunity to be apart of the building process of the NC Branch of Diva's of Compton as a coach. With working with the Regional Director and had the opportunity to branch the company to teach a private preschool dance classes. This propelled me into preschool teaching after leaving my job at EWC, and I love it.

I haven't quite got back to my body goals because I had a constant tussle of wanting to be the idea of thin that has been engraved in your head as a dancer or be the bodybuilding powerlifter. However I learned that in any sport/activity there is a glorified body standard that if you are not confident in your own body you can fall slave to it. And that has been me for years. I have looked back at pictures of myself when I was dancing and at that time I thought I was so huge when actualality I had a body people would kill to have; that I would kill to have. But for me now its about finding happiness in any size because if you aren't happy within it won't matter how close to the goal you are you will never be satisfied. So Im working on confidence and happiness. I'm finding MY PERFECT BODY.

Although I still want to use my history degrees I have learned that God literally sees the bigger picture You just have to trust that he has your best interest. I believe to this day that had I not been consumed by dread, I could have learned so much more! But I trust I'm right where I need to be.